This summer was the hardest of my life. It was also the best.
Grief and joy showed up together — sometimes in the same hour. I didn’t know I could hold both, but I did, and I came out a changed man.
The Turbulence
The trip to Ploče began in exhaustion and arguments. I carried the long-term fears: house construction, EU projects, mortgages, identity, career. My wife carried the immediacy: heat, logistics, baby care, the thousand moving parts of daily family life. Both were real. Both valid. But the clash was painful.
From there the summer unfolded as relocations: Ploče, Brist, Šolta. Each move meant packing, unpacking, baby-proofing strange apartments, sleeping on bad beds, living in spaces that were never fully ours. The stress was real: draining, exhausting, and always under the shadow of “what if this collapses?”
What Shifted Inside
But, through all of this, my inner life began to change:
- I noticed patterns: catastrophizing, over-control, the sense of carrying everything alone.
- I experimented with “energy management”: padding between tasks, triage instead of overflow.
- I faced nightmares—fear, violence, collapse—but processed them instead of drowning.
- I had glimpses of peace: swinging in the terrace chair in Zagreb, walking Stomorska’s Riva at night, realizing “I am really doing this.”
Concrete Tests
The OccuWise project demanded everything — but it got funded. Some € secured. The even bigger AI Therapist project took shape with consultants, faculty, and hospitals on board. The scope expanded, but so did my confidence.
Company pressures grew sharper. My buddy spoke openly of restructuring, salaries, survival. My gut clenched, but I caught the catastrophizing mid-spiral. I responded with action, not despair. I began to see projects not as threats, but as possibilities.
Family and Foundations
Through all of this, my daughter grew — walking, babbling, hugging us, becoming alive to us in new ways. Through all of this, my marriage bent under stress, but also reminded me that we share the same fight.
Even my obsessive systems, sleepless nights with Docusaurus, Obsidian, backing up every photo and video, stopped being distractions. They became scaffolding. Proof that I can build order and clarity into chaos.
The Shift
The most important change was not external. It was internal.
- I began to let go of control without giving up responsibility.
- I redirected imagination from catastrophe to possibility.
- I realized life is supposed to be hard. Shifting states always consumes energy. My job is not to avoid effort, but to endure and channel it.
- I stopped demanding perfect safety before moving forward. I started trusting that I can handle things as they arise.
Where I Stand
The “freight train” of fear is still there. The stakes are still high: mortgage, projects, career, family.
But I am no longer flat on the tracks. I am up — moving planks, laying rails, steering as best I can. I have proof: I survived this summer. Not by hiding, not by collapsing, but by facing each wave as it came.
I feel grateful: for my wife, my daughter, my work, my mind. Even with flaws, even with fatigue.
Resolution
I do not want to go back — not to despair, not to the old paralysis. I want to carry forward this new mode:
- faith in myself,
- trust in the process,
- action as the antidote to anxiety and fear,
- gratitude as compass.
The summer of 2025 was not a holiday, it was a crucible. I entered it anxious, nearly broken but I leave it clearer, calmer, and more capable. This is the foundation for the next chapters of my life.
Not perfect, not painless — but strong, calm, happy, fulfilled.
